The power of an old song with the power of a red horse nearby brought me to uncontrollable tears.
The song is The Climb by Miley Cyrus, the horse, Charlie. I had an extremely different relationship with Charlie when the song first came out. The high school version of me thought this song was powerful, sticking to my beliefs and powering through the yucky part of life. I’ve realized I found solace in Charlie then too. She would just grin and bear me, my trauma, and help me cope. It wasn’t pretty, I was fighting with everyone and everything, but it changed my state, and I am so grateful for her in those moments.
”There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle.”
I was moving a mountain, I was an unhappy, I was struggling every day, but I knew I would make it out alive (sometimes), people reminded me of my worth, about how I was going to fail, about how my dreams were a joke.
Those people turned into the voices I listen to every day. They remind me about how I’m not good enough, how I’m going to fail. But I keep going. I have a new family, a family that unconditionally believes in me.
So I keep moving the mountain.
But when that song came on today, I realized I made it. Me. I did it. I moved the mountain. I kept my faith, and it wasn’t easy. And the common denominator is Charlie. Even in our time apart I was working for us to become a team again.
“The struggles I’m facing
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes might knock me down but
No, I’m not breaking.”
I currently am fighting a new mountain, graduate school, and the past few weeks I have talked myself out of dropping out or just quitting because its overwhelming. Sometimes I feel like I have lost my direction, that this isn’t for me, my faith is shaking. But I have a dream and Charlie reminds me that I’m going in the right direction. That she is here supporting me through this. And I just have to keep moving these mountains and fight the battles in my mind.
Charlie sticks with me day in and day out. When she came to the farm, I knew it was going to be different. I promised her it was, this version of me isn’t the same. This is someone who is ready to listen to her lessons; to keep her faith and reminding myself that I’m not going to break, it’s what she has been teaching me since day one, over 10 years ago.
This adult version of me listening to the song still believes the song is powerful and it’s about sticking to my beliefs and powering through the yucky part of life. This time it isn’t a battle.