Yesterday, I had the greatest time working with my Little Horse. I groomed him, walked him around outside, and spent some time in the round pen. Nothing outstanding, and a fabulous introduction after winter “retirement”. He was very well-behaved, and it seemed that we had a better rapport than when we usually resumed our routine after some time off. Humbling as it is to admit, I am certain that the reason things were so different has to do with me.
Actually the night before I had the opportunity to work with Little Horse is when my thinking started that led to this pretty profound shift. What I started realizing was that I viewed working with him differently than with my other horses. Yes, of course, I have different relationships with each of them, and consequently how we interact is unique. However, with Little Horse, there was something different within me. This something different would prevent me from being as present with my horse as I would like. I think it was a jumble of high hopes, fear of success, fear of failure, fear of not having enough time and just about every issue that I could have going on with me. For another multitude of reasons, all of what was going on inside of me, caused resistance for the relationship. I don’t think that I did any irreparable damage, but I know now that my fear that things could go wrong, as well as the other things taking me off-center didn’t allow for the level of connection that I desired. I was the one getting in the way of things connecting really deeply, not my “mischievous” Little Horse. Now that I know that it is more of a stretch for me to stay focused on the here and now with him, I will strive to bring more of being in the present moment into my interactions with Little Horse.
Not that I was an awful wreck every day, but I was sure getting in my way more than I knew. Like most of the people that I know, I tend to dwell on the negative things that I’ve done more than the positive, so I will also forgive myself for this and move onward with the new insights and knowledge of myself that I have accumulated. I am sure that both me and my Little Horse will benefit. I will do my best to remember and stay awake, aware and alert to what I am sharing here today. Even though it is humbling to admit to what my horses teach me at times, I will still sign up over and over again for the lessons they offer. I will never stop wanting to grow and learn, and I don’t believe they would ever let me, anyway. I wouldn’t have it any other way.